Photo Credit: Vichie81

There was a time when I was mortified to go somewhere by myself. I was a young adult and newly in college. I felt awful if I had to do something alone. That all changed once I got my own place and really began to spend some time by myself. I don’t think there are some people who are better at doing things alone because of nature. I think it is more about experience. You have to do something, whatever it is, a few times before it feels natural or normal to do it.

Few people remember what it was like to try to write the first few times. I taught people how to write for years. The little ones don’t find it easy. I honestly think that since everything is hard for them (and everything is new to try) it doesn’t seem so bad to have to work hard for something. But, in my early 20′s, it really felt hard to go to dinner by myself. It was painful to try a movie alone. But, I was so aware that this was necessary for my development. My mother was really cool for telling me that I needed to make sure I got comfortable by myself. She told me that when I was really little, but I remembered it in my early 20′s.

Perhaps you don’t have much trouble going to a movie alone, or eating at a restaurant by yourself. Perhaps, like me, you’ve come to value the personal freedom and emotional space that doing things alone can provide. Kudos to you for working with it! If you aren’t comfortable with being alone, the only way to get there is to do it. Several times. I don’t recommend going to movies alone to work through this, because you have an hour and a half to ignore that you are alone, and maybe just the ride there and back to be with yourself. That is not really quality time.

You need to have quality time by yourself.

Even if you are accustomed to being alone and happy about it, how often do you really take the time seriously? I mean, when was the last time you really explored what you most enjoyed doing, and made a day of it?

Why do you need to be comfortable with being alone? Because this is one way to become more confident, and more trusting of your own instincts and ability to act on your own. Yoga can also teach this, but combining efforts on and off the mat can make for a really dynamic experience of how good you naturally are at making choices, and at giving yourself a life you can enjoy. 

So yes, having a solo yoga practice as quality alone time definitely counts.

However, I am recommending that you take yourself on a date. This can be like the artists dates, suggested by Julia Cameron, but you can be very relaxed about what you need to accomplish. The goal is to enjoy something. Maybe you can go to a museum or visit a botanical garden. If you are like me, you live pretty far from these types of exhibits, but you could decide to make a weekend of it! If you can’t take that time away from family, perhaps just hopping in the car and driving to see nearby towns or get some coffee at a diner in another town is all you need. Try not to cheat by taking a book to read (entertainment that can take you out of your experience), but you could bring a journal or some paper to write or draw on.

And once you have done it, schedule another one. We each need a little self time, but there is no reason to think it need be in isolation. Take yourself out! Even if it is snowing!

Anecdote about fun characters you could meet:

I knew a guy a long time ago that I ran into in a variety of coffee shops. He was a funny guy, dressed pretty oddly with a bow tie, and had a long long beard. He would go to different coffee shops and just draw the people he saw there. It was funny to see him work for hours drawing everyone. He would often offer his work to the person after he finished. I still have a drawing he did of me. He made up some name for me, because he saw me all over the place while he was travelling. I can’t remember his name, but he seemed a happy guy.

I am not suggesting you do something like that, unless you just enjoy drawing and meeting people. He brought a lot of people unexpected joy. These are the kinds of characters we can meet when we go out of our comfort zone, and away from our usual people.

Won’t you open yourself up to some adventure?

Pose of the Day: None – Go out somewhere. Do yoga when you get back.

Yogic Concept of the Day: I can take myself out and it is not indulgent! It is necessary.