Tag Archives: gifts

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Asteya (non-stealing)

I think most people who are able to read a blog are aware that stealing is considered bad in all cultures most of the time. I am fairly certain you don’t need me to tell you not to steal. I have read some blogs where they talk about how sometimes we take things without asking, and really this is stealing, so you shouldn’t do it.

I think there are some other ways to understand this, a way that matters on the mat.

Options could include:

1. Don’t steal time. Don’t waste your time or your effort. If you show up, use the time well. Put in your effort and balance it with a sense of ease.

2. Don’t steal your joy on the mat by telling yourself how it should be, or checking to see if you “measure up” to your ideas about how it should be. Relax. Be in the experience. See what feels like you are connecting to your inner body, your peaceful mind, your own nature.

3. Don’t steal your ahimsa. Be kind to yourself whatever happens. You don’t have to beat yourself up mentally or emotionally to do what feels healthful. You can care for your dear body that works to carry you everywhere you go. Appreciation for the little things can grow.

But what about withholding the skills and talents that you have that may benefit others?

If you have a way to help others, a skill to make other’s life better, could withholding that be a form of stealing? I think it is important to remember ahimsa here (non-harming). We don’t need to beat ourselves up about anything. However, if you know you have a talent, a skill, a gift to share and you do not find a way to share that with the rest of us, we will never have the joy of knowing you in this way. We will never know the depth of your caring, the gentleness of your support, nor the fact that you have something we value so much. You are keeping us from some joy.

So what to do?

Find a way to volunteer, share what you know, get yourself out there. Somehow make it possible for others to know what you offer that is valuable, even if they don’t know it is valuable, yet. 

And thank you for sharing your kind gifts!

Yoga Pose of the Day: Plank Pose (hold up to one minute)

Yogic Concept of the Day: I can share what skills I have, even if it is just smiling at someone who needs it. In this way, I refrain from stealing myself away from others.

 

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The Love Languages and Yoga

Have you ever looked at Dr. Gary Chapman’s book: The Five Love Languages? It is fantastic and useful in ways I could never had imagined. It was recommended to me by a co-worker years ago. He said it changed his whole life. I know he and his now wife are happily married and they still recommend this book to friends, especially if they are having marital troubles or other issues of compatibility. I was a teacher at the time, and I realized the things I learned about myself and the people around me from this book not only enhanced my understanding of myself and my husband, but also my understanding of the other people in my life. It made it so I was able to recognize things I could do to support others that would have greater emotional impact. It also helped to recognize that things I did, that might not seem hurtful or neglectful to me, may in fact leave others feelings hurt, or leave them feeling less than cared for.

Dr. Chapman’s love languages are described at the bottom of this post. He suggested that there are  five main ways that people express love or feel they receive love. We have this as a major habit derived from our families of origin, and seek to continue to use these modes to feel affection and give affection in our relationships with people. Our ability to feel accepted and appreciated at home as well as at work or school are also greatly impacted by our early home life and how we received and were expected to share affection and acceptance at home. If you have never considered that others may not experience caring in the same way that you do, this is a huge new beautiful world just waiting for you.

This book was re-released a couple of years ago, and I have not read the updated version, but I am sure it is equally fantastic. However, you do not need to go and get the book right away to start to grasp some of the concepts. You can take an assessment online here. As part of your continued effort at the yoga of self-understanding (svadyaya), this understanding can also encompass learning how to share your caring for others in a way they feel connected to.

While Dr. Chapman’s book and teachings are very definitely Christian in their expression, anyone of any faith or lack thereof should feel they are able to connect to what is discussed in the book. I was able to pretty much read the whole thing in about two days without having a lot of time, so it is an easy read. Reading the book with a partner, spouse or family member can be very enriching, since you would be able to discuss your findings with someone else who will almost certainly be very differently oriented than you. I would also love to see people post their expressive and receptive love languages here, so we can see how diverse we all are. These unique expressions allow us all to change and grow and to share in ways we might never have otherwise. it is quite beautiful to see.

So, the five love languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

Where do you find yourself on the list? What do you think about your spouse/partner? Your children? Your friends and co-workers? Take some time today after yoga practice and see how you think various people in your life communicate caring. Then think of ways you can tell them you care about them in the next week. It may be that you find your relationships deepening in ways you never thought possible.

Yoga Pose of the Day: Supta Padangusthasanana - Reclining Big Toe Pose

Yogic Concept of the Day: What are the love languages of the people I see every day?

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Dharma

by: graur razvan ionut

This week we are studying the four basic paths for having a virtuous life. To be clear, in the yogic concept, all four paths should be followed, though one may be an area of particular concern, interest, or otherwise be a main focus for you at this time. Of course, throughout our lives, which area is a main focus will naturally change. However, to have a stable life in which a person is able to give of themselves what they can, and also to gain a sense of purpose, each of these areas should be cared for and developed appropriately.

The first of these areas is called dharma. Dharma can be literally translated as righteousness. Of course this means caring for the spiritual practice which you follow in the best way you know how.  It can also mean living rightly, refraining from harming oneself or others, and generally following the path that is true to your nature. Doing good deeds, practicing selflessness, and generally being helpful to others is a good guideline. If you need to go to school in order to offer your skills as a kind person through work as a social worker or doctor, then going to school would be a part of following your dharma, as well.

Today, you may want to take some time to think of ways that you may be able to honor your nature in a way that is supportive to others. It could be that you are a painter and would be able to donate some of your work to a local hospital for the waiting room outside surgery. Perhaps you sing, and could offer your skills at a nursing home. Maybe you are a great cook, and could offer to head up a food-based fundraiser for the local kids softball team or fire department. Maybe you are just good at lending a hand and can contact the local Red Cross and see what they need. How can you offer some service? You don’t need to promise 20 hours a week somewhere to be helpful. Sometimes all it takes is one day a week for a couple of hours. And maybe just asking around, you could find something that would be enjoyable.

By the way, if you have no idea what types of skills and talents may be of worth, sharing your time is a great way to find out!

After you have thought of what you may be able to offer your community in the way of time, talent, and effort, see if you can go ahead and take the first step.  Make a phone call, or show up to ask questions, and try to sign up for something. Remember that it is okay to say you only have a couple of hours a month. Just remember that using your talents to be of support to others has rewards you may not have considered. What you do can be a joy, to yourself and others.

This service contributes to a sense of purpose, a feeling of belonging, and a deeper connection to the heartbeat of our town. When you allow your life to weave into the life of your town, a new type of connection occurs, and this can be truly satisfying.

Yoga Pose of the Day: Boat Pose: Navasana

Yogic Concept of the Day: How can I be of service using my talents?

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Share Your Play

Something is beginning to happen. Yesterday, you began to explore the ways you play. You looked at the ways you did so as a child, and considered other ways you would like to now. In yoga there is a concept of Lila (also spelled Leela) – the play of life, or divine play. It is a concept that all that exists is the outcome of play. We could consider that through play we find the way we best engage with the world, and share our greatest talents. I think this relates to our traditional concept in western culture, which Shakespeare so aptly describes when he wrote “All the worlds a stage and all the men and women merely players.”

Did you ever see that movie with Maggie Gyllenhall and Will Farrell, Stranger Than Fiction? There is a fantastic scene in there that demonstrates what I am going to suggest you consider today.

If you decided not to watch it, Maggie’s character, Ana Pascal describes how she was going to Harvard Law School, but somehow her love of cooking for the study groups brought her true talent to the foreground of her life, leaving her with a D average and a clue as to how she was going to change the world. These types of accidents happen so commonly, I imagine you could tell me a tale or two about someone who “fell into” a new role that was so clearly them, even the way they did other things dripped with the signs of their gift. We all are like that. Did you know it?

I know a lot of artists, and I haven’t asked them permission to share their tales of finding their form of art, or I might recount them here, but many went through a variety of modalities before finding their personal niche. I have known a few physicists, too, and they are incredibly similar in how they were just bursting with curiosity and the desire to find the right application of that intensity. It can take a few tries to find what play works for us. 

So okay – you are on the path, albeit loosely. How does sharing come in? Share your play with others. If you are exploring cooking, cook with or for others. Hold a recipe swap at your next potluck! Make it so it is not about you, but you get to see how you play with others. Because, we know that the fruits of our work cannot be for ourselves. We derive so much more joy from the sharing.

What about the sciences? Volunteer at a science museum, or for the science classes at a nearby school. Get a telescope and invite nieces and nephews over for a meteor shower. If you are working with the math, come help me! Just kidding – offer to work at the local tax support hub in the new year or look for aid agencies that may need math support for children or adults in the area. Honestly, math tutors are really needed. See how you do with doing math together.

What about other seemingly solitary interests like writing and singing? I think I have known many writers who felt it was sharing to go write at the coffee shop. Actually, when I was waitressing, there were several writers who would come to write. I tried to leave them to it. Knowing how important not breaking a thought is. There were a couple who felt I should stop working to sit and read manuscripts or listen to them read to me. That, honestly, was sort of rude, because it made me a captive at work instead of letting me share in the gift. No – I think writer workshops and literary groups are something that serve that purpose better. You may have special friends whose nature is also writing and who may be able to start such a group with you.  But writing someone a story for a birthday, or gifting the family with the family story is something altogether different. It is a truly unique and appreciated gift.  It still seems solitary in nature, but that is really the nature of this talent.

For some people, the talent or gift is so subtle or groundbreaking that they cannot have a clue unless they see themselves in groups. If you are still wondering what it is that you possibly have to offer – throw a party. Or create a gathering somewhere. Start taking time to visit places you’ve never ventured before and push yourself to meet 5 people on your trip. I am not necessarily talking about going to a new city, but to a store you would normally never enter. You may have to do these things often to get any real clues, but the group of people you meet will tell you something. If you are shy, this can be particularly difficult. But what you do, more so – how you do it – will tell you something about what you offer. Take pictures on your trips (okay, not in the stores, but…) create collages. Invite friends over to tea to tell them about your adventures and solicit feedback about what rhythms and repeating patterns they see. Take them with you.

All of these things are sharing. Sharing your experience of life – but also sharing how you experience life with others. This richness is what makes us all sit up in our chairs and listen when you share your tale, your talent, and your story.

Yoga Pose of the Day: Garudasana – Eagle Pose

Yogic Concept of the Day: I share my play with others.

 

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In the World to See Yourself in Action

Many of you have been looking at a variety of ways to the study the self this week, through trying the quizzes and exercises posted on this site. Hopefully you have been able to gain some new insights as to who you are and how you may be able to contribute to those around you. After all, we are not living here in isolation. You are more than a consumer. You are more than just someone who takes in what the world provides. You can be a catalyst or an inventor. You could be an inspiration or an innovator. You never know until you try. And how do you try? By getting out there.

As the weekend comes into full force, I want to encourage you to look back at what we have done this week and schedule some time for yourself (I suggest no less than an hour each day, but preferably more) this weekend to just explore some new ways of being. As Eleanor Roosevelt recommended, “do something that scares you, every day.” You can research a variety of activities for self-expression that we discussed earlier in the week. But there are other options as well.

Have you ever volunteered? In college I had no idea what to do with myself. I couldn’t settle on a major, and wasn’t really sure what kind of work would bring me joy. I was lucky to have been encouraged to get my feet wet by volunteering. It is so funny to think about now, how I would not have met so many important and influential people in my life without these experiences. I got to work at a convalescent center, a library, a refugee services center, and a library. I also got to learn the full ins and outs of a philanthropic organization (yes, and how to get a grant, while seeing who got chosen, and why), act as a Board member of a fledgling dance company and obtain resources for a theater group. I also got a chance to write for a new magazine at three points in my life.  All of this happened before I turned 21. Once you let people know you really want to do something to help, they practically knock down your door.

This brings me to another aspect of this study. You would do well to assess realistic ideas about how much time you really have, and make sure you are clear about your intentions (and stick to it). It is good to say no when you need to. This is how other people get their chance. If you make sure to put your resources where you really want to, feel led to, then you will be more effective and more likely to avoid burn-out. You want to be pleasing to others, not rushed, irritated, or distracted. When you give, give of your whole abundance, not your stress. So, it may be that instead of finding more things to do right now, your work this weekend could be to take time to look at your responsibilities and make the decision about which ones to let go, for now. This is also svadyaya, self-study. You have no idea how just freeing your mental space of one unappreciated responsibility can lead you to be more focused, clear, and ready to connect with the people in your life in more meaningful ways. When it comes down to it, none of our efforts are really for ourselves.

 

Here are some of the ramifications of being overworked: http://careerplanning.about.com/od/workrelated/a/overwork_4.htm

 

Take a quiz here to see if you are doing too much.

 

With this in mind, think of some cool new forms of expression you would like to explore. Write them (2 or 3 of them) down. Then google “social services organizations” along with your town’s name. I live in a town of fewer than 10,000 people and I found 10. So you can certainly find plenty. You can see if anything jumps out. You can also look up theaters, dance, and art groups. Calling people or stopping by to see if they need any help is something always appreciated. Just remember – before you go or call, have a clear idea of how much time you can offer. You don’t have to offer 50 hours, unless that is what you intend. I have called places and said “I have 2 hours a week for the next three months on Thursdays. Do you need any help?” You can’t imagine what delight that small amount of time has been met with.

If you happen to be looking into a new career, this is a great way to start getting experience, by the way. You can work for a few places for free and see how they differ. You can try something and find out it isn’t right, but there could be someone there who knows something better suited to your skills and interests. The possibilities are endless.

Remember: be clear about your time and interests when you call or go by. It is good for everybody if you say no to opportunities that do not suit you. You are working for free and could be giving a gift to them of someone happy in their workplace. You can uplift people when you stay focused about your own needs and inclinations.

 

Have a beautiful weekend full of meeting new and wonderful friends.

 

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Self Study (Svadyaya) and the Integration of Receptive and Expressive Skills

This week we have been looking at some options for how to engage in self-study. For some people this may be revisiting ideas they have looked into before, for others it may be completely new. Take your time, pace yourself. There is a lot to consider and there is no need to feel you have to explore everything under the sun. Just looking at where you seem to naturally be guided, as well as what you naturally tend to avoid, can provide you with endless hours of practice. Yes, this is part of the practice of yoga, albeit off the mat.

So how can we integrate what we are finding in our own expressive and receptive skills?

My recommendation for you is to consciously attempt to shake up your own habitual method of engaging the world.

If you tend to be stoic, and you have chosen to work with gestures or facial expression, you can use a variety of times during the day, and interactions with others to explore it. This can take the form of consciously employing new techniques or gestures to see what fits, and how others react.

Note: Gauging how others react to your new expression will also require that you use your receptive skills. But, keep in mind that you may need to use skills you do not normally work with in that arena. If you are normally very visually oriented, try paying careful attention to sounds you hear, the feelings you get from others, or proximity to others. This is a kind of openness that many people feel nervous about.

I suggest that you just pick one avenue to explore, and choose when you will pay attention. For example, you could choose to use the expressive skill of telling jokes while on an excursion to a new store. Also,  plan to pay attention to the non-verbal cues that people give you, rather than the words they say, to get a feel for how it is going. It may feel like you are practicing being someone else, but you are not. You are widening your own involvement in the world. Trust that you can never be anything other than yourself anyway.

If you need to refresh your own memory about receptive and expressive skills, be sure to scrool down to see the posts from yesterday and the day before. Remember that you can always call or write for support by contacting me as listed on the services page (click on the “Services” link at the top of this page).

A final consideration about the integration of these skills. The reason we are doing this is not to really change who we are, but to become more fully aware of ourselves in all the ways we can interact. To experience the whole of what we are, and what we can be, it is sometimes necessary to push the envelope and try to live at our edge. In yoga classes, on the mat, teachers often describe finding the edge of your pose, the edge of the movement. It is that place where we feel we are active and moving into the pose, are “feeling” the pull or the effort, but are not harming ourselves. This is how the body relaxes into what it can naturally do. You gain more flexibility more quickly when you do not force, but allow this “walk to the edge” of  your poses. But the mind and the spirit also benefit from walking to the edge. Self-study is not just reading. It is coming to experience the whole of who we are and what we can be in this life. In this way, we can increase the calm and flexibility of our own expression and intensify the clarity of the messages and communication we receive from the world around us.

My hope is that you will feel you can play with who you are and how you express yourself in a way that enriches your experience of this life.

Namaste

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What if you don’t like what you’re good at?

Yes, Legos!This week we have been exploring how the yogic principle of non-stealing (asteya) can include recognizing and creatively utilizing our gifts and talents.

I worked for many years as a school teacher, and there is one problem with this whole “Yay, let’s all go play with the things we are good at”  attitude that I think needs addressing. Sometimes people don’t like to do what they are good at. The self-help books all seem to want to overlook this point, but I know for a fact that sometimes I have seen a frustrated kid who says, “yeah, I am good at math, but it is too easy. I would much rather do something else, like play video games.” or “I always make A’s in history, but I hate history. I just tend to remember the numbers and names.”

This is something really important to pay attention to.

If you don’t like it, even if you can do really well without effort, that is not really the right direction to pursue. Malcolm Gladwell, in his groundbreaking research on talent and what it takes to master a profession or skill, actually postulated that this interest is critical. In an interview with Fareed Zakaria on GPS, he said as much. Ron, from the Blog, Corsair, quoted Gladwell as saying: ”Talent is the desire to practice. Right? It is that you love something so much that you are willing to make an enormous sacrifice and an enormous commitment to that, whatever it is — task, game, sport, what have you.” You can hear Gladwell speak about the Beatles as an example of this here.

This week I have encouraged you to play to find out what you enjoy. If all the play in the world doesn’t bring you to something that you would practice in the face of discouragement, it isn’t the right fit. Keep looking. Should you decide to pursue that cool thing you have found, you will want to practice.  How you practice determines a lot.

One of my favorite blogs is The Musician’s Way Blog by Gerald Klickstein. Now, I am not a musician, but the ideas on this site always seem to translate for me into my own practice of yoga. It is a site worth taking the time to explore. Yoga is far from being a performance art, at least as I practice it. Still, there is something about being a teacher that makes me conscious about how I approach the classroom as a sort of stage, especially in this era of mass media. If I don’t see my teaching as a sort of “entertainment” it doesn’t matter because some of my students will. The thing is, that it really could be in my studio that people find what they love. If I plan to teach or share what I do with others, then I should take what I do at least as seriously as a concert pianist. Or, it could be fun to. Check out Klickstein’s recommendations for how to practice:

Six ways to enjoy detailed practice:

1. bring meaning to every gesture

2.isolate problem spots in context

3.take pleasure in excellence

4. listen deeply

5.seek variety

6. shift perspectives

You can see the full explanation here.

I immediately could see how these key principles applied to yoga, my own practice, and what I was doing with my yoga students. I can also imagine them as they could apply to astronomy, cooking, running, or connecting people to animals that need homes.

But what if you aren’t really going to put in that time? What if you just want to find something to be good at, that brings you joy? My point is this, if you don’t care enough about the work you do to take a little time to put added effort in, it doesn’t even matter if it is a natural-born talent. You will not likely position yourself to provide something of worth to others, and I think that sharing is where we get the most rewarding experiences. I am an introvert by nature, but it is still true for me. I may be a dreamer and a devoted lover of the arts, but if you cannot bring your paintings to a show, make it practical, what do you give? Maybe you don’t ever want to show your paintings formally, but you want to give them as gifts. It is the same thing. Sharing is sharing, and no one gives of their true talent carelessly. It just wouldn’t be natural. Personal satisfaction is something we enjoy, but it is ultimately just self-entertainment. This is not a problem or bad, but it is hardly a peak life experience. Until you make your gift available to others in a meaningful way, take a chance at really seeing what you can do with it if you put the extra effort in, you won’t really know how much it can give joy to others. Still, whether you actually do that much work or not, isn’t the point I’m making. 

No one is going to know what your talent is unless you share it. That is all up to you. But what you want to do, to spend time on, is the clue to your key talent and your personal fulfillment. What we each choose to be our level of involvement t be is nobody else’s business. But not even finding what you bring to this world, that is something like a crime.

Have a great weekend!

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Playful Sharing

All week we have been looking at how to harness our personal gifts and talents as a part of the non-stealing (asteya) principle of yoga. If we refrain from sharing what we could, in a way we are stealing some joy or some help from others.

If you are joining this blog for the first time today, it may be preferable to look back at all that we have done this week ( there should be links to previous posts to the right). Assuming you have some inkling about what your talents are, and have begun to give yourself some good play time to work with your own innate joys, now it is time to go ahead and share a little.

Now don’t worry too much about this. Baby steps. If you are anything like me, you want to feel that when you give something,  it is of a certain level of quality and that you are not going to be giving something “silly” to others. If you just realized yesterday that you need to paint, no one would expect a Mona Lisa in their surprise gift box tomorrow. Slow down. We are still just talking about play here.

Did you ever see that movie with Maggie Gyllenhall and Will Farrell, Stranger Than Fiction? There is a fantastic scene in there that demonstrates what I am going to suggest you consider today, see it here. If you decided not to watch it, Maggie’s character, Ana Pascal describes how she was going to Harvard Law School, but somehow her love of cooking for the study groups brought her true talent to the foreground of her life, leaving her with a D average and a clue as to how she was going to change the world. These types of accidents happen so commonly, I imagine you could tell me a tale or two about someone who “fell into” a new role that was so clearly them, even the way they did other things dripped with the signs of their gift. We all are like that. Did you know it?

I know a lot of artists, and I haven’t asked them permission to share their tales of finding their form of art, but many went through a variety of modalities before finding their personal niche. I have known a few physicists, too, and they are incredibly similar in how they were just bursting with curiosity and the desire to find the right application of that intensity.

So okay – you are on the path, albeit loosely. How does sharing come in? Share your play with others. If you are exploring cooking, cook with or for others. Hold a recipe swap at your next potluck! Make it so it is not about you, but you get to see how you play with others. Because, we know that the fruits of our work cannot be for ourselves. We derive so much more joy from the sharing.

What about the sciences? Volunteer at a science museum, or for the science classes at a nearby school. Get a telescope and invite nieces and nephews over for a meteor shower. If you are working with the math, come help me! Just kidding – offer to work at the local tax support hub in the new year or look for aid agencies that may need math support for children or adults in the area. Honestly, math tutors are really needed. See how you do with doing math together.

What about other seemingly solitary interests like writing and singing? I think I have known many writers who felt it was sharing to go write at the coffee shop. Actually, when I was waitressing, there were several writers who would come to write. I tried to leave them to it. Knowing how important not breaking a thought is. There were a couple who felt I should stop working to sit and read manuscripts or listen to them read to me. That, honestly, was sort of rude, because it made me a captive at work instead of letting me share in the gift. No – I think writer workshops and literary groups are something that serve that purpose better. You may have special friends whose nature is also writing and who may be able to start such a group with you.  But writing someone a story for a birthday, or gifting the family with the family story is something altogether different. It is a truly unique and appreciated gift.  It still seems solitary in nature, but that is really the nature of this talent.

For some people, the talent or gift is so subtle or groundbreaking that they cannot have a clue unless they see themselves in groups. If you are still wondering what it is that you possibly have to offer – throw a party. Or create a gathering somewhere. Start taking time to visit places you’ve never ventured before and push yourself to meet 5 people on your trip. I am not talking about going to a new city, but to a store you would normally never enter. You may have to do these things often to get any real clues, but the group of people you meet will tell you. If you are shy, this can be particularly difficult. But what you do, more so – how you do it will tell you. Take pictures on your trips (okay, not in the stores, but…) create collages. Invite friends over to tea to tell them about your adventures and solicit feedback about what rhythms and repeating patterns they see. Take them with you.

 

All of these things are sharing. Sharing your experience of life – but also sharing how you experience life with others. This richness is what makes us all sit up in our chairs and listen when you share your tale, your talent, and your story.